5. Grass
Let’s face it. It’s everywhere.
It’s nice to lie on, to make whistles with, to play games on, and perfect for golf.
But really, grass fills the mind of suburbanites. Families fertilize, aerate, install sprinkler systems, mow, trim, and de-weed, all to make their houses look better. Your life could be falling apart inside the walls, but outside, if your lawn is well-kept, you are in the running for the PTA.
4. Nytimes.com
It’s like grass, but for the city folk.
Want to keep updated on the world’s goings-on? No need to smudge your fingers or bust out your wallet. You can read all of the news from your computer. The New York Times' online edition is a great way to scholarly procrastinate while at work. Want an easy source for a paper that isn’t wikipedia? Well, nytimes.com is it. This site’s legit.
And you don’t have to live in New York! It’s a national paper with a misleading title! Being from the Midwest, I was always confused growing up seeing people read news from another part of the country and wondered why they couldn’t get the news from the Indianapolis Star? Why did they pay to get a newspaper from New York shipped to Indiana? They must be snobs. Alas, I was wrong, and now with nytimes.com, snobbery is at an all-time minimum. Simply register for free and read to your heart’s (and mind’s) content. Don’t know a word? Simply double click on a word you don’t know and they will link you to a window that defines it for you! Nytimes.com allows anyone with a couple minutes of free time to be cultured and informed in just a few clicks.
3. Diet Coke
Zero calories, millions of addicts.
It’s like crack. I need it always. I usually drink around 70 fl.oz. a day, usually in varying forms of fountain, bottle, and can. Usually associated with middle-aged women, Diet Coke (DC) ensures weight conscious moms don’t fall asleep in the carpool line. But DC is for everyone. It does not discriminate.
For me, DC is so incredible because it has transcended its form. While it is an artificially sweetened, brown carbonated beverage, it is my water. I crave it. I need it. Other parts of my body stop working normally when I don’t have it. Now, I know what you’re thinking. That’s just the definition of an addiction. But, for me, DC transcends that classification. It makes my day better, more bearable, peppier, nourishes my body, and invigorates my senses… it pretty much runs my life. Who needs a Blackberry when you have DC?
DC has also been at the heart of many of my social interactions over the years. I can meet a friend for a cold DC, bond over our mutual craving of a fizzy one with a lemon, and officially unite at the outrage of Panera only serving Pepsi products.
And while I might die in ten years due to an overdose of aspartame, I will know I died having lived a fulfilled, caramel-flavored, zero calorie life.
2. The Oscars
Politics meets art meets entertainment meets commerce meets Dakota Fanning.
Ah yes, the Academy Awards. Its an incredible thing. A bunch of people, comprising “the Academy” decide what films are best, who is the subtlest actor, and what random 3-minute animated shorts are the coolest…. And then we go see them! Who is the Academy? Why wasn’t Enchanted nominated for Best Picture? And Snakes on a Plane should have won all kinds of awards!
But for real, the Academy exposes all of America to great and important films. Think about how many people were exposed to gay political issues this year because Milk was nominated for best picture. And what great social dialogue was started because the Academy told everyone to see Crash.
Ok. And let’s not forget the ceremony. Hey pretty dresses! Hey George Clooney! Hey Bjork wearing a swan!
The Oscars are great. They’re fun and exciting while they are undercover agents in encouraging socio-political thought and understanding.
1. Heidi Klum
Bangs, no bangs, H. Klum is always in style.
A German-born, non-native English speaker supermodel is now the host (someone who needs to talk a lot) of one of America’s most popular television shows. How awesome is that?! She IS the pop culture American Dream. Made famous for wearing high heels and lingerie, Heidi worked it down the runway until she made millions and invaded the hearts of America and the covers of every top fashion mag.
And while you might say, “Big deal. She won German’s equivalent of ANTM and now she’s famous for being hot.” I will rebuke, “Yes, but she is married to Seal.” Trump card.
I'm so glad that your sense of humor comes through as much on your blog. Otherwise, it would make reading top 5 lists completely unbearable. When I was in Scotland, one of the kids I was on the tour with remarked that "if I had grass like this when I was child, I would be a better person today."
ReplyDeleteHave you made the switch to the NY Times's new online Global Edition, or are you sticking with the U.S. Edition?
ReplyDelete